entry 03
today was one of harder days than any other days while stuck in this hell hole,,, im not sure why but im feeling really depressed..
like i dont want to exist anymore but not in a suicidal way i just want to stop hurting, stop being tired,,, god im so tired, each time i move my body it feels like im swimming through syrup, everything just feels empty and its making me want to stop existing or just rot away in the comfort of my own home but that doesnt make me feel a sense of peace, no,,,
today my roommate got discharged and it hurt more than id expected, idk why i just grown attached to the idea of being friends with her even tho we never talked, just awkwardly acknowledged each other despite the fact we were literally sleeping beside each other,,, only with a piece of cloth separating us
nonetheless, it still hurt. but we said our goodbyes, wished each other well and the feeling was bittersweet but i still grieve the potential friendship,,, maybe im overreactin, ive been doing that for so long, overreacting, i mean for fuck sakes i was offended when she didn’t want to talk to me but now i understand why, it’s so draining to keep a conversation up or even relationships for that matter,,,
but venting aside i did make small talk with the nurses and other patients, i really like these two nurses, theyre both very pretty sometimes i wish i could be their friends but i know that having a friendship with one of your patients that you only took care of for a while isn’t really ideal or possible ig,,, idk maybe im just feeling negative rn
Im so tired, i want to sleep but at the same time i cant,,
back onto the talking with people, i spoke to this one patient who came in more recently, shes in her 40s, a mother of 2(?) i believe, and we had a nice chat about the world going to shit. that topic came up cuz she was asking if i had any children which is like.. no i cannot even imagine it, maybe adoption but actually being pregnant and having to give birth? that sounds horrible and i don’t want to go through that
Nonetheless she’s nice, i wonder why shes in the mental health unit tho but you never know she could be violent
I plan on getting discharged tomorrow (hopefully) after talking to the doctor abt what actions to take and possible birth control and other medication options
Im very prone to migraines and most meds (for some reason) tend to trigger them and it’s so annoying,,, luckily ive been taking this one med that helps with migraines, it does help but its kinda in the background; im still sensitive to light, noise, etc but it isn’t painful as a full on migraine but when you have chronic migraines its better than nothing
Thats all for now, thank you for reading!!! Love ya